MY FAVE LP’s!
Cool Old Cheeser tag’d me a couple of months ago to list my fave albums. It seemed easier to me when I first thought of the task, but I tend to think in terms of song vs. the whole concept of an album. So after some thought the following are my fave LP’s! (sorry for delay Mr. Cool Old Cheeser!) — oh, and I’ve sort of clump’d them together in little groups…
Babs!
Of course you know that Ms. Streisand would make some of my all time fave LP’s! 
So, I shall call this the Simply Barbra Section! Her voice got me through a very difficult childhood. My Grandmother used to tell me that she could feel the presence of a God when she looked up at trees. For me, it is when I hear this voice sing. 
My Barbra faves are:
A STAR IS BORN (…wow)
MY NAME IS BARBRA (the first record I ever bought!)
LAZY AFTERNOON
SIMPLY STREISAND
BARBRA JOAN STREISAND
now, we move to some other LP’s that get me through life…
classic rock section:
TUSK by Fleetwood Mac — sort of like 3 solo projects strung together to form this mess of a beautiful experimental music. I think it is perfect.
“…but never have I been a blue calm sea. I have always been a storm…” Amen. Sisters of the moon unite!
LED ZEPPELIN IV — backwards, forwards and all around, this one rocks to the core of it all.
TOMMY by The Who. 
Nothing need be written. Either one gets Townsend’s concept or one doesn’t. I do so wish I could sing like Roger Daltrey — and look like him circa 1975 in the Ken Russell vision of this album! Alas, I don’t.
SOME GIRLS by Rolling Stones — I find individuals suspect when they claim to not like this LP. I can’t help. I find these people most worrying. 
I mean, come on. It’s the Stones when they were so fucking cool!!!!
dance, dance, dance section!
SUPERNATURE by Goldfrapp — the absolute best glitter disco music this side of the universe!
…now, where is that white horse? i wanna ride!
OVERPOWERED by Roisin Murphy — Oh, just surrender and dance! 
Work it, baby! Work it!
KOO-KOO by Debbie Harry — I just love this record! Highly under-rated at the time of its release, it holds up! Chic plus Ms. Harry equals Ultimate Cool!
…and, a really cool record cover!!!!
BAD GIRLS/LOVE TRILOGY by Donna Summer — The Queen of Disco at her very best!
(pssst. I think love trilogy is her best! Just ask Ing!)
THE BOSS by Diana Ross — It was 1979 and Miss. Ross was feeling the heat of Donna Summer on her skinny ass 
— so she shook it up good on this record! I play it constantly. And, yes, I AM in this world, too!!! …I ain’t been licked yet! Now, dance!
Absolute Cool section:
LADY IN SATIN by Billie Holiday — with every exceptional bit of phrasing and with each note, she seems to rip into the psyche. Romantic and so very sad. …and beautiful. 
There will never be another LP quite so stunning. …this might be my favorite LP of all time, but it must be taken as a whole and not in fragments. If you’ve not heard it, be sure to do so!!!
SEVENTH TREE by Goldfrapp — 
The latest from my fave band! It hasn’t sold well because we all really wanted more glitter disco, but what a great CD to play as you lay under a tree or on the beach. It soars and heals.
WHO’S THAT BITCH, ANYWAY? by Marlena Shaw — A singer who has never gotten her due. A voice with attitude. And, the cover of this LP is one of the best I’ve ever seen! Fierce!
HOUNDS OF LOVE by Kate Bush — I love all of Kate’s records, but this one just seems to play out the best. Completely unique and crazy original! 
I wonder if she made a deal with God?
BOYS FOR PELE
and
THE BEEKEEPER by Tori Amos — I can feel Dessie’s blood burn as I list this two albums by Tori Amos. We both love Tori, but I think he really dislikes THE BEEKEEPER. Anyway, these are my two fave Tori’s. Pele was a Goddess who required the sacrifice of virgin men. 
…That sort of sets the pace for one of the angriest records I’ve ever heard. At times so quiet you can barely hear it and then so loud you want to hide. Don’t put Tori in a corner, man! I love this record! Beekeeper is an opposite sort of record. …a quasi feminist collection of songs meditating on everything from love to magik.
THE LETTING GO by Bonnie Prince Billy — somehow filled with both hope and dread, this is a great rainy day record. 
“Love Comes to Me” always manages to make me feel warm and happy to be alive.
PEARL by Janis Joplin — I always have to fight myself from thinking too much about how sad it is that she gave it all up before this rock masterpiece was released. What would this talented artist have gone on to do had she lived? But, I simply stop myself and get lost in this blues-infused rock that blisters and funks it up! There will never be another Janis Joplin. RIP. (if you don’t have this record, you should do yourself a favor and get it!) 
“…freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose.” Kris Kristofferson might have written the music and the words, but Joplin made them her own.
kisses,
matty
HAIRCUT 2
Doing the most fundamental or “easy” actions can cause me the most woe. This is something that continues to puzzle me. I spent three months building up the nerve to just walk into a hair salon — any place where they could cut my hair cut.
About two months ago, after several pills and more than a few cigarettes I managed to walk into a place. My hair had gotten so long it was embarrassing for me. I did it, but it was beyond difficult. As silly as that sounds. I got dizzy, started to pass out several times and finally ended up tossing my cookies (fat free!) on the poor stylist. Luckily, all the ladies there were extremely sweet. They gave me tea, a back massage and got my hair cut. I’m still not sure how much I tipped them, but it certainly could not have been enough.
But, I did do it! I got my hair cut! I remember, as I stumbled out into the sunshine, I promised myself that I would never return to that place again.
Well, it has been time to get a trim for over a week now.
Yesterday I was determined to face this odd fear of mine and just do it. 
Now, I normally go by the rule that one should never have their hair done at any establishment which spells “cut” with a “k” or a “z” at the end of that word. In addition, one should always avoid salons with when any of the following words are involved in the name of the place: “nice” “super” or “happy” — I feel that these are always signs of bad “do’s” to come. But, these days I’m on a budget, I don’t have much hair anyway and I can barely get up the courage to go in — so my rules have fallen to the side to make way for my anxieties. 
It was only after the woman put the plastic cape over my person that I realized I had somehow managed to return to the same place where I vomited my insecurities all over the place. Ugh! But, it was too late. Besides, when I looked around I only recognized one person from before and she was at the counter.
I took a deep breath and decided to put the cards on the curling table and rambled through what had happened to me the last time I had been there.
Leaning into my face, “I tell ya what, you just warn me if you’re going to get sick so I can get the hell out of your way!”
We both laughed. She insisted on washing my hair (and face) with cold water before she started and then the same after. As the cold water poured over my face and hair in an attempt to help me not sweat she joked, “Girl, if I had this much cold water pouring on me I’d get a head rush!”
As she shaved and clipped away she explained that she was not yet officially a “she” and was in transition. I told her she looked great. She stopped cutting and struck a pose giving me a thanks. She kept talking to me the whole time — the horrors of dating, the stupid questions people ask her and the challenge of finding shoes that fit. She had worked the streets before getting into a beauty school program so she could have a “respectful” job. She was in the middle of discussing her dress size when she stopped and announced: “Baby, you are done!”
She made me promise I would return when I was ready for another trim.
She saved me.
Funny how we save each other when we need saving the most. …And, the need for saving can be more desperate than anyone can really understand. One needs to be in the shoes of another before passing by the needs of the two. 
WHAT DO YOU LIKE MOST?
“…I like lots things, but there are three things I like the most: love, love and love!“
…beautiful mess.
STAYING THE COURSE
Sometimes I feel like I’m chasing my way down this tunnel to say in a bit of the light that I think I see waiting at the end of it. Yesterday, for a while, I completely lost the sight of light at the end. It was rough. Actually, it was horrible. The absolute worst for me is to just cry. So as I sat in the car coming back from an important but difficult therapy session I leaned my head out of the window and let it happen. I fell apart for the third time that day. And, I remained in a sort of haze for the rest of the night.
And, somehow the fact that I was able to get back into my size 30 jeans this morning didn’t really even lift my spirits. But, then I noticed that little heart of mine sitting on the end table and I felt some relief.
Letting in the air as deep as I can get it, I continue to push forward. Trying to get me back. It is not easy to stay this course, but I will do it. It is just so fucking hard.
BOARDING GATE
It’s no secret that I love movies. However, the last couple of years have not been so great in terms of interesting film production. Every once in a while I stumble upon one that grabs me. 
I saw this in the cinema earlier this year and really liked it, but had trouble deciding why. It came out on DVD a few weeks ago and I secured a copy from NetFlix and watched it — several times. I just love this movie. I’ve always loved the director’s work and have always found Asia Argento quite interesting. Imagine if Rambo were an aging, drug-addled, lonely and lost prostitute who gets pissed off about being betrayed by men one too many times and happens to have a gun. Oh, and Rambo is a woman without an interest in war. If you can imagine this — then I think you can sort of get the idea of what this film is about on the surface.
Some of it is a bit difficult to watch and the cheeeeeezy poster certainly didn’t help at the time of the film’s release. Folks walked in expecting a sex-fueled action adventure movie and got this instead. As Ms. Argento trips, wanders and falls across the globe you’re left with far more than a popcorn movie. I really love it. And, the ending… Well, the ending of this film sort of cements the deal for me.
Besides, Kim Gordon is even in it. 
Once again, I bow to the talents of Olivier Assayas and Asia Argento.
BANANA PEELS AND ALL…
I’m so sorry! I sort of fell off the blog-sphere, but think I’m almost ready to be back! 
Thanks for all the emails/phone calls! We’re all doing fine, but there have been more than a few “adventures” — some good, some bad and lots of slipping on banana peels and the like — but, such is life. …And, it IS grand! One just has to learn to get back up with some grace and dignity. I’ve got that on my “To Do” list!
(me and the glam Ing on the 4th of July!)
Anyway, I was tag’d a while back by Cool Old Cheeser and I will get that written and posted soon! However, I wanted to drop a quick post so no one thinks I have fallen and not been able to get back up! I think the following pictures will pretty much speak for themselves. (or, at least I hope so because I doubt I will be providing much in the way of descriptors) 
(please note: these two individuals are expressing The Line as originally created by Ms. Joan Crawford. …this is a double line photo — which is illegal in 12 states! don’t try this one at home, kids!)
(pardon the mess — we’re still figuring out the new apartment, but it is taking shape! Love being back in GayTown!)
(me and M. J do a killer line in this photo! …never mess with the line! …simply work around it!)
(B talked me into putting up a few of my collages — these are currently in our bedroom. …don’t make fun of them!)
…and this is Little Bagel and her “best bud” — The Empress Minx! They seem to have really, uh, bonded.
love and kisses,
matty
OUR NEW NEIGHBORHOOD!!!
Well, we are here! As per usual, moves are always more difficult than expects! We love our building, the apartment and neighbors! Little Bagel seems to be adjusting just fine and has even made a new pal who goes by the name Minx! We’re probably another weekend away before the place is fully operational but the essentials are finally set up. Here is a shot of our building 
…I’ll take a better one later! And, here are a few shots of my favorite place to walk. 
Just a few blocks away!
It is so very nice to be back in San Francisco and to the ocean where I belong!!!!
METH FUN
Now, I know that we gay San Francisco men are all supposed to be really superficial — and, I guess many of us are — However, I finally decided I had to write something about this ad campaign. It so annoys me.
I’m sure that only the best of intentions were involved in creating this city-wide campaign and I hope it might help steer some buds away from the shit, BUT….
If anyone has had the unfortunate experience of having to deal/interact with someone who has been on a meth binge for more than a couple of months — they usually always look like total shit: Rotting, Rotted, Missing or Broken Teeth —- so thin that many have the look of cancer wasting I’ve not seen since the early 90’s. And, trust me, I strive for thin-ness at all cost — but meth-thin is too thin for even me! And, of course, from my interactions as a receptionist — there is usually a sort of stench involved. It is NOT attractive.
I mean, I’m sorry that these models lost so much to meth — but I suspect that this ad campaign might have an adverse impact to what was intended. I mean, who wouldn’t want to look as hot as these boys?!?!?! I’ve heard tell that a couple of gay bars around the city have been offering up coaster from this campaign.
Who knew meth could be this hot!?!? Sort of reminds me of those Calvin Klein ads from the 90’s that attempted to make heroin use sexy and cool… Or, even worse, all the HIV/AIDS pharmaceutical ads that make having HIV or AIDS to be a sexy walk on the beach or hike up a mountain. …the difference here is, I think, these organizers are trying to get SF men to stop using meth.
Wouldn’t a recent photo of Mickey Rourke work better?!?!.jpg)
…I mean, that isn’t all just age’ing and bad plastic surgery. …Tho, I still find him kinda hot. …Maybe meth is sexy?!?!? (sigh)
MEMO TO MS. STREISAND
I’ve done this before, but that six circles thing didn’t same to work and my memo must have failed to reach Barbra because she has failed to put into my action items into play. So, I feel duty bound to attempt to provide professional guidance to Barbra one more time! I mean, we all know that I give only the finest of advice on any matter imaginable! And, as I’ve loved the work of Barbra since I was four years old, I feel that I am of particular value in this regard. 
Barbra, can you hear me?
First of all, Barbra, we all know you don’t like to work. No problem! My suggestions are actually quite simple. Actually, I am recommending that you just get back to the basics! A new studio recording is really needed. However, it should not be full of lush orchestrations and perfection. No, this recording just be as follows:
Just you, a piano and a bass player. All you need do is select the songs and hire a producer other than yourself or Jay Landers — not that you both don’t do gorgeous work, but let’s have a change! I really think that Tommy LiPuma would be an ideal choice! As for the songs — select classic standards, but let the music guide you more toward jazz and emotion vs. easy listening/MOR. Set aside five days, sit down and just sing!
I would love to hear you and two competent musicians do a new re-freshed cover of “With One More Look” — and, really, you never recorded that song in full! I also think you could add a great deal of sparkle to “Wicked Little Town” from that Hedwig movie you probably heard about.
And, I still feel it would be a bit of heaven to hear your voice mingle with that of Anthony (of Anthony and the Johnsons)! He has written some lovely songs. Babs! This could be your chance to claim a whole new generation of listeners and re-appreciation of those of us who love you! And, there is still a trunk full of Harold Arlen songs just waiting for you to bring them back!
But, of course, there is the concern of your image. Barbra, I have to just say it: “Get over it!” …the 70’s are gone and so are your days of baring your ass, legs and shoulders. It isn’t cute anymore. Think simple.
This look no longer works. It is tired and there are drag queens who now look more like you than you do. Let the buttah thing go. Trust me on this one, but for God’s sake — keep the nails!!!
This look really worked quite well — and, it sort of returns you to your biggest commercial look of the 70’s. …but, retaining the dignity of your age! And, let’s face it: both looks are thanks to wig’ing. No big deal. Just work it.
For the artwork, find a photographer with whom you’ve not yet worked and just trust him or her to capture you. I’ve a very talented friend who happens to be a kick-ass photographer! His name is Walter Briski, Jr. …Google him and see his stuff. Anyway, don’t worry with promotion — just let Sony deal with that. I think a good title for the LP would be “Simply Barbra!” …Yes, go with that!
As for film work, well just say no to some lame Little Fockers movie! Just say no! Woody Allen is said to have been trying to work with you for years. Now just might be the right time! The comic pairing of you could be great! Or, George Segal! Think ‘edgy’ but that doesn’t mean insipid bathroom humor - it means playing funny. …think THE OWL AND THE PUSSYCAT for the 21st Century. Play your age! And, don’t direct it. Just play a part.
…You can still keep up with your computer fun, gardening and eating.
Well, I certainly hope you were taking notes!
Thanks,
Matty
PS Please do not contact me directly because I’m simply far too busy and that would just kill me anyway! 
RIPPLES
…things are actually starting to get better. looks like it is still a long road to go, but i’m learning to accept the pace of “healing” — and to keep what gifts of hope the ones i love offer. i wish i could write that i take comfort, but this doesn’t come easily for me. i’m used to being the one who gives, tho i hope i’ve never stopped giving all that i can.
we put in an application and deposit for a lovely apartment in san francisco. i think we will get it and we should be moving back to the city within the next two to three weeks. moving back to the city and away from the trains and general horrors we have witnessed here. however, this move presents a new sort of struggle for me.
…and, i don’t mean the struggle of having to scale down on possessions to move from 1800 square feet to 600. that is no big deal to me. the things i really value are often quite small in size but unmeasurable in worth. we can fit in 600 square feet without worry. but, the thought of actually trying to pack and move is scary. sometimes just trying to fall asleep is more challenging than swimming across an ocean. just getting from ‘point a’ to ‘point b’ is not always something i can do right now.
but, one takes in a deep bowl of air and simply tries the best one can. and, that is enough. …to just keep trying and pushing forward.
it is almost 2am.
b and bagel are fast asleep. i sit alone trying to sort through my scramble mess of thought and calm down enough to face the bed. i suddenly realize that my ‘gut’ has gotten smaller and that the ‘man tits’ are turning back to ‘man chest’ again.
i feel a great sigh of relief to notice that my body is returning to form. …a way to go, but it is coming back.
i sip my tea and a sigh of fear tries to envelop me.
as the layer of fat starts to finally evaporate i realize i am more exposed.
how odd that the feeling of healing in itself can illicit fear.
vulnerable and almost naked — i push forward back to life.
m
